my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
