We're facebook friends in real life
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
