life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
