I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
