if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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