I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
