standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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