Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
