I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
