I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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