I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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