I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
