i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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