My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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