I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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