We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
