I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
