It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
