dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
