Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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