I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
