so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
