that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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