Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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