I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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