He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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