It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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