What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
