Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
