I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
