chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
