whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My hand turned me down
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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