If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
