My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
