so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We need a shit load of segways right now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
