so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
