You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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