My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize