I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
