you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
