This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whose ass print is on the piano?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize