Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize