Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
