Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
