i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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