i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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