Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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