shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you didnt know i had herpes?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
