She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
