ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
