you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I died a long time ago.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
