@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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