The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
