It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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