And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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