I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize