Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
