Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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