I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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