apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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