I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
