I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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