I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
