I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
