Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
