she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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